Consider Attending A Cotillion & Change Your Life

Studies by Harvard University, Stanford Research Institute and the Carnegie Foundation indicate that over 85 percent of one’s career success is directly connected to one’s social skills. However, technology and endless hours on Zoom has desensitized adults and youth alike to the niceties of a polite society. The world often seems to have gone on a permanent “casual Friday,” endless days on our couch, at home, in quarantine and in sweats. Courtesy and respect are social skills that are hit and miss at best in today’s society.

But we are all reemerging from COVID and retuning to social life. Learning proper etiquette, how to act in a public formal setting, developing a firm handshake, being able to look a person in the eye and holding a conversation are all skills that add up to a worthy investment in your child’s, teen, and young adult’s future.

One way in invest in success is attending manners class or a set program through a Cotillion. It is not an old fashion activity. It is a treasure of experience that you will value the rest of your life. At the bottom line, a Cotillion is a social education program that instructs students about good manners and social graces and uses dance as a tool to teach social and character skills not normally covered in school. Students learn to be comfortable with themselves and others, be aware of their personal image, communicate better, and develop modern life skills and self-confidence. Cotillion develops positive, leadership qualities that offer long-term social advantages and opportunities in developing relationships and success. Frankly its priceless.

Here are a few answers to key questions that can demystify Cotillions.

Why are Cotillions important to today’s teenagers?

Cotillion are based on teaching courtesy and respect, and that includes appropriate ways to interact with the opposite sex. Through dance and etiquette instruction, Cotillions provide safe situations where members of the opposite gender can interact, thereby increasing comfort and self-confidence.

What are the modern emotional/social benefits of Cotillions?

Most children participate during those awkward years when girls are taller than boys, boys' voices are changing, and feet seem bigger than their bodies. Being in a healthy, structured environment where students learn how to be respectful and considerate of one another, offers tremendous emotional and social benefits for the participants. Further, Cotillion instructors make the classes both interesting and fun, so the students are active and engaged while they learn important concepts through dance.

Why do Cotillions focus on etiquette and manners?

Academic teachers have extraordinarily little class time available to talk about respect, courtesy and consideration, topics that are just as important as any academic subject these young people will ever take. Cotillion provides the appropriate venue to instruct students in these areas. Cotillion teaches students how to introduce themselves appropriately, the importance of dress and appearance, as well as the basics in table manners and etiquette. In truth, students without this knowledge may lack the confidence to succeed when it comes to the real world. Cotillion ensures your child will have the tools they need to feel confident in any situation.

Why do Cotillions focus on social partner dancing?

The physical interaction associated with partner dancing provides a unique opportunity to develop teamwork and cooperation skills. Free form dancing, on the other hand, is a unique expression of personal style which cannot be taught. Cotillions oft encourage students to use both partner and freeform dancing for their enjoyment. 

Whether it is learning how to give a firm handshake or how to dance the waltz, the skills taught in cotillion classes are ones that will come in handy throughout your life.

Valentine’s Day Fuels Young Love

Being a teenager is a fun and exciting time of life.  It is a time when you are discovering who you are and what you want.

Dating, especially during Valentines Day, can be a fun and great time for you as a teenager. It is totally possible to maintain good standards while having a good time. In fact, you will have more fun when you do. The easiest way to do this is look for and date people who have the same high standards as you do. The bad boy or girl may look intriguing, however the fun wears off really quickly. 

Manners matter when you are dating, especially as a teenager. Always remember your magic words and use “pleases” and “thank yous” with the person you are out with. There is nothing more annoying than an ungrateful date. Remember to always: treat others like you want to be treated. 

All of this aside, the following are some more great teen dating tips to guide you this Valentine’s Day season.

BEFORE THE DATE

Asking the Person Out –

 When you have found someone that you would like to go out with, practice asking them out (especially if you are nervous). When you have it mastered, just do it. You don't have to come up with a fancy way to ask. A simple, "Do you want to go out on Friday?" is totally okay. It is NOT good dating etiquette to show up in their driveway, call them on their cell phone and ask them out right then. Parents do not like this.

Get a Group Together –

It is so much more fun to go out in a group, especially when you are just getting into the dating mix. A bunch of people can come up with so much more to do and talk about. It will also help with the nerves especially on a first date. 

Take a Shower –

 Truly... clean up and look nice for the person you have asked out or that has asked you out. Grooming is a good habit anyway. Honestly, no one wants to go out with someone that just got done with team practice and smells like it. But, extra cologne and perfume do not cover up the smell of sweat.

Know Where You Are Going and What You Are Doing –

 This is good teen dating tip manners. You will be able to let the other person know what to expect. Also, they should know what kind of clothing and dress to pick out. Most importantly, when your date's parents ask what you are doing, you will be able to give them a good answer. Very important. Know, your date's parents will know when you are not telling the truth.

THE DATE

Picking Up Your Date –

Go up to the door to pick up your date.  I don't care how scared you are to meet your date's parents... you need to do it! Man up! Honking your horn for your date shows fear and a lack of respect.

Be Yourself -  

The reason why your date said yes to you is because of you. If you pretend to be someone else it will only get harder, especially if you spend more time with that person. Really, trying to be someone other than you is just a big fat lie you have to keep up...how exhausting.

Conversations –

It is a good idea to have a list of things in mind that are interesting about that person that you want to know more about. Ask questions and then listen to what they say. Don't sit and talk about yourself the entire night... boring.

Put the Electronics Away-

You are out with someone to have fun with, talk to and have adventures. It is impossible to do any of this if your ear buds are in, attached to your text conversation or chatting with your friends on the phone.

Respect Curfew -

Nothing good happens after curfew. Your date's parents have a very good reason they want their son or daughter home by a certain time. Even if you don't understand it, respect it.

Respect Yourself -  

Unfortunately, there are times when your date is not very respectful of who you are and your standards. No matter how you think the dates should go, it may go wrong. If this ever occurs, it is important that you remember: IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO AND MEAN IT. Stand up for yourself. Get out of the car. Walk away, get somewhere safe, and call someone.

The Doorstep -  

The final teen dating tip comes at the end of the date. Walk your date to the doorstep. This does not mean that you have to kiss them, it just means that you want to see them safely inside. Let your date know you had a good time (if you really did). Only tell them you are going to call them if it is the truth. Otherwise, your date will be agonizing and staring at the phone for the next few days.

I promise if you follow these teen dating tips this Valentine’s Day season you will earn respect and be relaxed when you are out with someone. Remember who you are, - YOU ARE GORGEOUS -, and remember you are worth it, use your manners and have fun.

Start the Year with Magic Words

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between etiquette and manners?

Both rely on a basic underlying principal: treat people with respect and sensitivity, making them feel comfortable, welcome and at ease in any given situation.

To put it simply, manners are what you practice when following the laws of etiquette. Both are integral to creating effective human interactions and rely on magic words.

Manners matter. The way we act affects others, and it is never too late to refresh and revise your manners. And the start of good manners and a new year begins with refreshing our use of the magic words of social society.

The Magic Words....

The building blocks of proper etiquette and good manners begin with the magic words "please", "thank you", "you're welcome" and "I’m sorry". These are the words and phrases that should be used by all of us on a daily basis and taught to children from an early age. As we welcome 2022 its important to revise our understanding and the meaning and reasoning behind using these magic words.

Magic Word #1 - "Please"

Saying please goes beyond being polite and proper. The word please is as important as thank you, and in everyday life, words such as these could mean a world of difference. No other word as simple and straightforward could settle a misunderstanding, calm tempers, and build bridges towards reconciliation

Magic Words #2 - "Thank You"

Hearing “thank you” conveys a sense of accomplishment, positive reinforcement, of appreciation. Saying it expresses your gratitude for people and things — and can open up innumerable doors. These two simple words, spoken with sincerity and conviction, can change the world.

Magic Words #3  - “You're Welcome”

When you do a favor, and someone says, “thank you,” the automatic response is “you're welcome.” It is a basic rule of politeness, and it signals that you accept the expression of gratitude—or that you were happy to help.

Magic Words #4  - “I'm Sorry”

Apologies re-establish dignity for those you hurt. ... Apologizing helps repair relationships by getting people talking again and makes them feel comfortable with each other again. A sincere apology allows you to let people know you are not proud of what you did and won't be repeating the behavior.

Magic Words #5 – “Excuse me”

You say 'Excuse me' when you want to politely get someone's attention, especially when you are about to ask them a question.

Magic Words #6 – “ May I”

'May I' is asking for someone's permission to do something. 'Can I' is asking someone if you can do something. In the old way of speaking, it is presumed that only you know if you 'can' or cannot do something. By saying 'May I' you are asking for the person in question to permit you to do whatever it is in question.

Christmas Manners Are About Treating Everyone Like A Friend

Christmas is one of the most important celebrations around the world, but this year with COVID swirling and families potentially separated it can also be one of the most stressful. Between the crowded shopping malls, waiting for that Amazon box to be delivered and endless hours in your mask it’s a difficult year to grab that holiday spirit.

But try to keep in mind – “it is a wonderful life.”

At its core, Christmas has nothing to do with standing in long lines, drinking too much at those endless work parties we are all missing, or worrying about buying expensive gifts. It's more meaningful and rewarding to think of others. As we all begin to reemerge from COVID lockdown and return to our normal holiday activities its important to remember the top social rules of the Holidays.

Sending Christmas Cards 

Most people enjoy receiving Christmas cards, emails, memes, or messages of any kind. You don't have to be wordy, but a nice thought above your signature can show a personal touch. While it's okay to have a holiday newsletter enclosed, keep it brief, avoid bragging and try to be positive. You want the recipient to smile not roll their eyes.

Being a Guest 

If someone has invited you for a holiday dinner, party, or overnight, be a gracious guest, take an at-home COVID test, get vaccinated and mind your manners. Don't forget to RSVP and ask their COVID rules to make you and them comfortable. Don’t forget to bring a small gift to than the host for their generosity.

Hosting a Gathering 

If you are the host, remember to greet everyone at the door. Set ground rules so everyone knows the social distancing rules. Introduce guests to each other. Have plenty of food and activities for everyone. Don’t forget extra masks and hand sanitizer for those guests who may need them. Keep your windows open if you can to ensure proper ventilation.

Do as much preparation as possible the day before so you can enjoy the party with your guests. Keep an eye on anyone who is drinking alcohol and never let anyone drive if they've had too many. If anyone offers to help clean up, give him or her a single task.

Regifting 

If someone gives you something you can't use or don't care for, it's okay to regift, as long as you don't give it back to someone in the same friend circle or heaven forbid - the original person. To prevent this from happening, attach a note with the original giver's name.

Tipping Well 

If you choose to go out to a restaurant or bar for your holiday cheer, it's always important to be generous with tips after you receive good service. It's especially important during the holidays. Each man’s life touches so many others.

Attending the Office Party or Zoom 

If one is scheduled, have fun at the office party, but don't forget where you are or who is watching. It is never okay to drink too much, tell off-color jokes, or get too chummy even on a zoom call party. Laugh, make small talk, and enjoy getting to know your coworkers on a lighter level, knowing that you'll be back to work or on endless Team calls in a few hours or days.

Seeing Santa 

Sadly, it might not be the year to enjoy the Santa tradition. If you do, stand nearby and never take your eyes off your child. If your little angel starts talking too much, removing their mask, sneezing or coughing or says anything you don't want strangers to know (your address and travel plans), don't hesitate to interrupt and say your goodbyes. Make sure your child wears a mask to protect Santa and ensure they learn to thank Santa before you leave.

Sending Thank You Cards

As soon as possible after Christmas, send thank you cards, emails, and texts to anyone who has given you a gift, hosted an event that you attended, or done something special for you. Even if you receive a bad gift or the party isn’t fun, you should still send a thank you message.

Spreading Holiday Kindness

As you celebrate the holidays, put "be kind" at the top of your to-do list. It is a hard time for so many people. Reach out to the friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. There is so much loss and uncertainty, even loneliness this holiday. That is exactly when hope and kindness matters. Not only will you have a more joyful season, but so will everyone else around you. And above all, “Remember no man is a failure, who has friends.”

Open the Door to Travel and Our Blog

As many of you know, Capitol Manners had its etiquette blog behind a pay wall during the pandemic. Keeping our content and services exclusive has helped our clients receive our advice and counsel during a time when our in-person presence was challenged. But thank the Gods for vaccines and our loyal clients. You supported us, pushed us to grow and succeed through zoom and word of mouth, challenging us to go viral, come to you, trust and digitally persevere.

But now times are evolving again. The power of good manners allows you to be nimble and resilient. Now along with the rest of the world, Capitol Manners is opening up once again blooming into the light with a free blog for all those jetting off or venturing out into society, to an office party, fundraiser, a holiday dance, a college interview, or an in-person business meeting to land that important client. No more sweats my friends. No more dressing from the waist up.

No more delaying that trip to see family. With our new free blog - Let us talk travel.  

With twitter alerts and traveling advisories popping up constantly on protocol changes, travel bans and COVID restrictions – it is difficult NOT to be frustrated, anxious or angry at any sign of delay once our feet hit the airport. The late nights we spend checking and double checking the rules and regulations of the airlines, TSA, the countries we are traveling to and from – it can be exhausting. Once we get to the airport, we feel confident, packed, equipped ready to enjoy. That all comes to a screeching halt when someone elbows us or cuts in the line, sits in our seat, orders a coffee too complicated for the normal barista to understand, or takes our spot in the overhead bin. And the airline officials are often tired even if they are hired to the top of customer service standards. We sometimes feel totally alone with no allies to help us successfully navigate outside our living room or zoom space into the new world of travel.

You are not alone.

Capitol Manners, experts in global etiquette, has your back. Here are our (FREE) TOP TIPS for TRAVEL SUCCESS.

We are still in a pandemic, and there are still many potential hiccups, including ever-changing travel rules that are beyond our control. The key to traveling during the pandemic depends on how we perceive the risk versus the actual risk and our overall comfort level with risk, our reason for traveling, and how important travel. Another factor seems to be the intangible: How much time do we have left in your life to travel? Can we overcome the stress and inconvenience, maintain our cool, remember to be kind, and remember social manners even when others do not? We believe in you. We know you can show patience and consideration- take a deep breath, visit Expedia, and remember this key advice.

ALL NEW TRAVELERS:  Print paper copies of your paperwork. You will frequently have to show proof of vaccination and other various forms throughout your travels. Cell service is often spotty at airports. Do not get stuck trying to pull up your information. Print out several copies so you have them ready to hand over. Some airport and airlines do not accept cloth masks. Bring N95s or blue surgical masks, carry extra masks. Protect and respect the locals. Mask when they do, indoors or outside. With the opening of international travel in the US, lines will be long – long. Immigration and Customs is reporting sometimes a 2 hour wait. Bring a book, a phone charger, a snack, hand wipes, prepare your child, just realize this is the case, and know it will not move faster if you are irate. Sanitize and Mask as much as possible.  Airports are suffering from the same labor shortage plaguing the globe. Some food courts are still closed so be prepared for those limited food and drink options, pack a blanket and headphones that will work with the in-flight entertainment system and bring snacks, bring water — anything to make travel more comfortable.

FAMILY and YOUNG TRAVELERS: Given that many families have not flown in two years, it is likely that the crop of first-time travelers will be twice as big this year. An October survey of 2,000 travelers commissioned by American Express Travel reveals that 84 percent of parents say they plan on traveling up to six times in 2022. There will be a lot of people who want to reach their destination as much as you do. Refocus your attitude and remember the excitement not the strain. "It just feels good to be back on an airplane," one of our young finishing school clients told us recently. "There was a real buzz at the airport and on the plane, lots of cheering when we took off. It was a bit of a holiday party flight."

When you pack, make sure items that need to be removed during security are easily reached. Keep in mind that traveling with snacks will mean extra scrutiny during the screening process. Kids and new travelers do better when they know what to expect so tell them about the travel day. Take an early flight. They are less crowded, everyone is tired, you and the kids can watch morning cartoons on an iPad or phone and rest. Where clean, unwrinkled clothes to the airport and dress in layers. You will be ready if it is too cold or too hot.

Expect things in the airport to be a little bit slower and stressful as you account for the newbie travelers.

INTERNATIONAL TRAVELERS: Travelers should seek guidance from the State Department as they plan international trips.  They have a system to determine the level of security and safety in countries across the world. For example, the State Department warns that “Violent crime – such as homicide, kidnapping, carjacking and robbery – is widespread and common in Mexico.” U.S. officials also have a “limited ability to provide emergency services to U.S. citizens in many areas" of the country”. And while you are at it, let the State Department know when you will be in a country. Few travelers take the time to do this, but Heaven forbid there is an incident in country. If the State Department has your name and contact information, they can help you, get out, find your lost passport, help you seek medical care, legal counsel and travel confidently. IF travel is planned soon also be aware of the COVID situation in your final destination, check the CDC, know the level of risk you will be encountering. Double-check the COVID test that is required to enter a country, even if you are on a layover. One of our clients in distress had a connecting flight in Portugal and spent $275 for an emergency COVID test because Portugal required a negative COVID test, even for a layover.

ALL TRAVELERS: People are feeling super taxed and fearful. It is a potentially combustible situation in a small, enclosed space where you cannot do what you want, and you cannot leave the scene. It is easy, she notes, to get angry at a fellow passenger who is not wearing their mask properly. And that can quickly escalate. We have been desensitized by news and social media to the inappropriateness of being rude. Rather than reacting with confrontation in a situation you cannot leave, simply saying ‘I'm sorry you feel angry’ can defuse the situation. If you feel your temper rising, try taking deep paced breaths, or focus on relaxing your muscles. When you are super angry, it is hard to use your judgment and think rationally. Relaxing your body hopefully relaxes your mind. You, unfortunately, cannot leave the scene, but you can go a little more into your own space. Always follow the Golden Rule. “A little grace goes a long way, in all parts of life, but especially when you're in a metal tube hurling through space.”

A New Year, A New Adventure – Beautiful Manners

Happy New Year! Capitol Manners has joined Instagram! Find us at - #Beautifuletiquette. Social media has revolutionized so quickly that we need guidelines to successfully operate on it. A flawless photo is worth a million words. Those who want to have flawless manners often don’t have time these days to learn through the written word. Instagram just like any other social media tool has brought about re-unions, breakups, increase of sales in one’s businesses, as well as made and ruined personal reputations. Images sure don’t lie. Hashtags have become trendy in almost all aspects of life from Twitter to Facebook to t-shirts. I am excited Capitol Manners can share lessons and the beauty of etiquette with you in 2019. As I compiled these tips, it occurred to me that the list could also serve as a New Year Resolution of sorts. Here are a few guidelines to know about the usage of Instagram.

1. Do not tag every individual word – Be clear with your intentions

Tagging every word in Instagram becomes a clutter rather than a tagged statement. E.g. #an#eatout#with#pals. People will lose track of your point and forego your posts.

2. Avoid stringing along too many words together – Be precise when communicating with others

While making a statement, keep it as precise as possible. Remove spaces in between and capitalize every first word to make it easy for the eyes of the reader.

3. Don’t over describe your post afterwards with additional hashtag words – Don’t brag

This becomes messy and unnecessary especially since the post is fully understandable.

Keeping in mind your followers, be brief and clear. Let the image speak for itself.

4. Do not “like” your every photo or every photo of your followers – Be discriminating

As much as you might be in love with your photo don’t make it too obvious. Again, why would you like every photo even if it is just a blank upload? This can be annoying to your followers. They may consider you a stalker and even block you.

6. Photos should speak for themselves – Be honest

As mentioned, your photo at a coffee shop, a boutique, a nice restaurant should leave an explanation to the person looking at it. Make sure to tag the locations or otherwise write captions that states the location of the place.

7. Socialize – Be Friendly

It is a social media platform so, don’t just enjoy your own posts. Like and comment on other follower’s posts that intrigue you. Ensure to follow your favorite band, musician, and group whatever that excites you.

8. Do not over post – Be interesting and engaging

Avoid flooding the feed with many photos. A photo a day is quite okay. Averagely five photos in a week would be ideal. Be an active member.

There you have the rules of Instagram and a few etiquette resolutions at your disposal. Incorporate them in your instapics and you won’t go wrong in achieving the picture perfect post and kinder manners for the new year.

Traveling and Tipping Over the Holidays

My family has a tradition of traveling over Christmas and New Year. It’s a great way to find time together, be away from the winter weather, and rush of the season. Most years, we pack up our kid, our dog, family and gifts, swim suits and head to the sunny, beachy Caribbean. We rely on hotel employees, airline attendants, drivers, waitresses, hotel housekeepers and room service to ensure our holiday experience is a joyful one. On the beach this year, I had time to think about the best advice I could give on traveling, tipping, and expressing good manners and gratitude while on holiday.

On the Airplane - Don’t Hog the Seat or Walk in Front

Planes are full, airports are busy, space is tight on board and in the gate area.  Be kind and leave the seat next to you open so someone else can get access to their seat and board without being inconvenienced. 

The plane pulls up to the gate and every person on board wants to be the first off, the plane.  Clearly that can’t happen, and we are a civilized society, so a simple rule will help keep people from being trampled upon arrival.  If you are standing in the aisle, make sure the people in the row in front of you have a chance to exit before you start walking forward. 

In the Hotel Room - Don’t Slam the Door or Turn the Volume Up

Once wary travelers survive the stressful flight experience, they are almost home-free when they get to the hotel.  But there’s one big thing that can ruin a hotel stay:  noise.  Few hotels are soundproofed enough to keep loud noises from penetrating the sanctum of your room, and the worst offender here is the slamming door.  

Continuing with noise-in-the-hotel theme, loud TVs and phone conversations can also drive your neighbors crazy.  It’s easy to feel like you are safe and sound in your room and forget that sound travels.  Especially late at night, turn it down so others can make the best of their time asleep.

At the Museum or On the Train – Wait to the Right and Walk to the Left

Perhaps one of the most controversial issues of our time – should people in the elevator push the “door open” button?  Or should new arrivals just forego the closing doors and wait?  My vote is for the latter. Just be patient, wait a few minutes for the next car to come. You are on vacation, relax.

Every moving sidewalk I’ve ever seen in an airport has signs that say exactly that.  So why do so many people straddle the entire width with their luggage, and just stand there like a lump of coal?  Frequent travelers are busy and every minute counts, so step aside to the right and let them get by you on the left.

When you Need to Say “Thank you” – Remember the Rule of 20%

Waitress and Bartender: 20% of the bill for the best service, 15% for just “okay” and 10% if the worst

Car and Coat Valet: $2.00 local currency is best

Drivers: 20% and $1.00 a bag if they help load and unload

Hotel or Airport Bag Service: $2.00 a bag

Room and Spa Services: 20%

Housekeeper: $5.00 to $10.00 a day and $2.00 for extra services like more towels or toiletries

Last Minute Damage Control Tips for Hosting a Thanksgiving Gathering

Thanksgiving is a time for cooking, eating and hopefully for spending time with family and friends. I’ve hosted our Thanksgiving gatherings for decades, slaved over the preparations, cooking, planning, serving, and cleaning. This year family couldn’t join us. We plan to volunteer at a local free community meal and participate in an Anti-Hunger Turkey Trot. If you have agreed to host Thanksgiving this year, never fear all will go well, no matter what happens. Seriously, it’s being together with the ones you love that matters most. Consider these seven expert tips Capitol Manners shared with a recent group of teens who took our “Teen Scene: Manners Prep” program on hosting a memorable meal and toss your jitters (and not the giblets) out the window!

Accommodating Guest’s Dietary Needs But Don’t Kill Yourself: Guests understand their restricted-diet needs better than anyone else and can best prepare meals in their own allergen free kitchen. Make a few simple sides of veggies if your worried. Know the ingredients in your dishes if asked. Hosts aren’t obligated to accommodate every guest’s special dietary needs, such as tree-nut or egg allergies; and kosher, halal, gluten-free, sugar-free and dairy-free diet requests.

Dress code But Not Dress Up: A casual, fun-filled day calls out for ‘smart casual’ attire of trousers, sweaters, blouses, vests, and comfortable clothes. For the host too, don’t over dress, you are working today. But don’t host your Thanksgiving in flip flops and sweats either. Ladies, shoes and lipstick are required.

Place Cards Create Less Work Not More: It’s more fun, keeps the rebel rousers in line and mixes up the cast of family, friends, and neighbors to use a seating plan and place cards. Split married couples, but not newlyweds. Give a mom a night off and don’t seat her next to her most rebellious child, or two siblings together. Seat introverts next to out-going guests and elders adjacent to youngsters. It’s amazing the life lessons learned when children sit next to older relatives.

Toast But Don't Lecture: A toast welcoming guests and expressing gratitude sets a positive tone. Briefly reconfirm conversation no-noes. As a host making a toast to the table, toasting etiquette states the entire table is welcome to drink, juice in sippy cups, punch for the teens, everyone should raise a glass. Families are hard pressed to eat meals together these days so remind guests to pass food to the right or counter clockwise. And, if the meal is served that they will be served on their left side and their plate cleared from the right.

Stay Current But Not Political: The host is also responsible to set the tone and keep up the conversation during the meal. Make pleasant conversation referencing current events. But say ‘no’ to political conversations. Of course, avoiding Trump-talk may be difficult just two weeks post-election, but biting your tongue is a good idea. Have 4-5 interesting conversation starters planned; ‘Where is your next travel destination; leisure or adventure?” Other examples include musical concert, bestselling books, new movies, sporting events, new restaurants, and holiday memories.  Prying, personal questions push all the wrong buttons. Be prepared to respond with humor so the questioner doesn’t sense a weak spot. ‘I avoid visiting about private topics when the food is so good. How do you like the stuffing?”

Set a Schedule and Plan for Diversion: Set an approximate schedule to allow planning and avoid chaos. Provide a soft deadline so guests don’t skid in 15 minutes before dinner starts. Let guest know if they arrive at 12, dinner will be served at 1:00 or 3:00 p.m. So, they know when to arrive and allow for visits with other friends and family and, also how to avoids too much ‘together time’. Set up a separate, fun room for kids with art supplies, games, toys and movies. Plan outside activities, encourage playing a flag football game, raking leaves or a neighborhood walk. Outdoor games, like the ever popular “corn hole” are always a hit.

Plan for the Knowns and Un-knowns: The possibility of something going sideways exists when family and alcohol mix during high-stress holidays. Always plan for an invited guest to join or extra child coming along. If a guest goes on a rogue political rant, be prepared with an immediate change of topic to Aunt Lynn’s cranberry recipe or that Celebrity Chef’s fried turkey recipe. If they continue unabated, ask if you can speak to them privately. When out of earshot of other guests, acknowledge their concerns and advise them this isn’t the time or place.

The Holidays are always a stressful time and today’s politics can drive anyone insane. There’s no need to embarrass yourself or stress out in front of family and friends. Contact Capitol Manners for training, questions or for help. Do your best with the meal, plan ahead to avoid social gathering mishaps and enjoy these tips for an elegant, stress free Thanksgiving filled with family, friends, and joy!

Rising “Like a Butterfly”

Women today are stepping up to lead and speaking out. To do so with confidence, manners, and grace, they must learn to lead from a young age. This month I was lucky enough to address Women in Government, the national organization for women representatives in state government. My daughter joined me. It was inspiring to be in the presence of so many impressive women committed to serving their communities. The basic social skills we discussed surprisingly align with those of the Girl Scout Social Butterfly Badge.

Capitol Manners is committed to offer guidance to all levels of leadership groups. We provide lessons to Girl Scout Troops in the DC/VA/MD metro area. In these private, exclusive, one-on-one sessions we focus on perfecting the following skills:

 Introducing Yourself and Others

- Having a conversation

- Shaking hands

- Making small talk

Good Table Manners

- Navigating the placemat

- Knowing about your glass, silverware, and napkin

- Being a good guest and a diner

Hosting and Thanking

- Inviting your guests

- Welcoming, seating and serving

- Sending thank you notes

Girls master conversations, table manners, the place setting, hosting and attending a dinner gathering all with the grace and ease of a modern, confident Diva! We practice poise, positive body language, the power of the handshake and girls gain the confidence to host a friend, introduce a friend, thank a friend, and become a friend. Beyond reminding girls that leaders always say “please” and “thank you”, “yes” and “no”, we also discuss with young ladies the invisible social etiquette skills of navigating social media, dressing, grooming, body language and the importance of looking up from a phone to listen and smile. Contact Capitol Manners if you would like to schedule a 1 ½ hour session with one of our etiquette experts. Costs and locations vary.

Brushing up on our Surf Etiquette

Each year my family and I try to hit the waves. We even take a lesson or two. We are always excited when we can do so in the OBX. (There is a great shop for lessons, http://www.corollasurfshop.com/lessons/.) I grew up in So Cal with a Dad who surfed the “Wedge”, so the salty sea water is in my veins. Or at least, I like to think it is.

Although surfing is classed as a “free sport” there’s still a code of conduct and certain do’s and don’ts. So, surf etiquette is on my mind today. Here’s a few things you need to know when it comes to how to be a respectful surfer or boogie boarder.

1.      If you can see that someone is clearly in position and is going for the wave, let them have it; there will always be another wave. 

2.      Accidents do happen so sometimes we “drop in” or start a ride in front of someone who is already well on their way - without noticing. If this happens, pull off or get out of there way and say you’re sorry.

3.      As a rule, the person closest to the peak of the breaking wave has priority.

4.      Communicate out there. Call “Left!” or “Right!” on your direction, this way you can give the other surf a clear idea of which way you’re going.

5.      Surfing can be quite a lonely sport from so it’s nice to spread the good cheer from time to time. Next time you are in the surf, smile at the person beside to you.

6.      No one likes a surfer who snakes the lineup. A surfer who snakes is someone who weaves in and out of everyone taking priority every time. Sometimes it’s hard not to do as you’re so excited about getting waves but try to be respectful of others.

7.      Paddling out can be tricky sometimes, especially when there are lots of people catching waves. Try to avoid people and, as a rule when paddling out aim for the whitewater.

8.      You should only ever leave footprints on the beach, so remember to take all your trash with you! Don’t leave any evidence of all those Duck Donuts you’ve consumed. Come on, have respect. We need to clean up our beaches and oceans, so we can have a beautiful ride and summer every time. 

See you on the beach!